This gives me LOADS of problems. Ranging from being unable to use something simple like customer services, to talking about how i feel. Like, if someone asks me how im doing, they dont fucking care, they ask because they either cant come up with a better conversationspark, or they do it because of some obligation (like if its someone i havent met in awhile)
They dont give a rats ass about my actual feelings. They dont want to hear about my sisters anorexia, they dont wanna hear about my dad being a two-faced fuck that has left numerous mental scars on both me and my sister. And finally, none of them wants to hear that the last time i smiled from the bottom of my heart was when i was 9. None of you care, stop pretending to.
I want to go to a therapist, but why the fuck should i tell my deepest thoughts to some fuck thats being PAID TO LISTEN?
I do NOT want to talk to someone that couldnt be less interested in hearing what i say or think.
Just like my birthdays. Theres always one guy that notices it on facebook, and then "congratulates" me. As if he actually cared, holy shit, god forbid that ever happens. Then the entire fucking class, of whom i speak to maybe 3 at most, yells "happy birthday" in unison. Now, in my mind, birthdays are days where we appreciate that we have met. Never talking to me except for my birthday? Right, you sure appreciate that weve met, now go fuck yourself. Heck, if i could choose, id rather society didnt force you to congratulate me on my birthdays. Makes it easier on both of us. You dont have to pretend to be friends with some weird quiet-except-it-means-complete-socially-inept guy that you never knew existed untill five seconds ago, and i dont have to pretend that anybody actually cares wether i live or die.
Back to the actual day itself: proceeds JUST like any other day, except maybe i get to decide what to eat for dinner, maybe. Wow. I sure feel wanted and appreciated.
Done for now, saving the rest for some other time.
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